Sanober

I am grateful and happy to be in this country. I came from difficult circumstances. My life has been saved, my child’s life has been saved. 

My husband and I married here in the UK when I was studying. We went home but we were not accepted because we married without our families’ permission. My son and I were threatened with honour killing, there was violence, and I had to escape. I feel like my son’s childhood is wasted with bad memories. 

This four wall boundary is everything we have. This is our bedroom, our sitting room, our kitchen, our everything. It’s like a cell at the moment because we can’t go out. No school, no nursery. I’m a single parent and I can’t take him to the shops with me, so I don’t even go to the shops. It feels like life has frozen.

We have one bed to share. We sleep in it, we eat on it, and my son does his school work on it. It’s awkward to do every single thing on your bed. I don’t need or expect anything fancy but I wish we had a small table so that when we can cherish when we eat a meal, and he has somewhere to do his homework. Also, he is nine and the opposite gender to me and he is growing, so separate beds would be better.

My son misses school and his friends. I reassure him every day that this will not last forever. He could go to school as a ‘vulnerable’ child because we are in temporary accommodation, but he won’t go, because he is too scared of the virus. 

He tried killing himself. When I came back from the loo one day, the moment I stepped in I saw him with my medications in his hand. He said he was getting them ready for me, but he is not allowed to touch them. I was worried he had taken some so I called an ambulance. He told the paramedic that he wants to sleep forever and not wake up, because he really doesn’t like what is going on.

He scared of going on the floor, because the house has had rats in it before. I put a towel under our door, so nothing can come in and I put a sheet on the floor so it is clean for him. But he is young to be accepting this reality and adjusting to it.

I have a degree in business and a masters in finance. I would like to be able to work if I am given leave to remain. I am looking forward to the future when my son is back at school and I am allowed to work one day. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.